Last year my word for the year was return.
Before Christmas I was hanging out with my friend Mandy. We get coffee on Sunday mornings before church. She sits with The Rose and I in a Kaldis booth, and we chat about life. About how we think life is beautiful and hard and how boys can be dumb. She takes The Rose while I buy my coffee and gives me a break when I just need to sigh. She's a helpful friend. And since I've been a Mama, those are very much appreciated.
One of those mornings a few mornings ago Mandy asked me about my word for the year. Return. How's that going?
I thought about that word a lot last year. In the months after its declaration and before The Rose was born, I thought about it a lot. I returned to the Lord through choosing to believe his goodness despite hardness. When my Papa died in the Spring I clung to that word, return. And later in the fall when life was busy and all I wanted to do was see The Rose after a long day of work, I remembered the Lord's call to me to return to him and give him time too.
The call to return was a call that didn't require much, only an open and obedient heart to choose to spend time with him regularly. Some months (like months shortly after The Rose was born) regular time with him was about once a week on a Mama's-only coffee time at Kaldis. More recently that has been a daily devotional time guided by #SheReadsTruth.
The call to return was exactly the medication I needed for an emotional, challenging and beautiful year. For that I am thankful.
This year my word has turned into more of a command. Somewhat from the Lord but also from myself. It's sort of a good kick-in-the-rear-end kind of command.
I grumble at the Lord A LOT.
I grumble about having to go to work and not being able to be at home with my little. I grumble that Mr. Christopher doesn't put his socks in the basket (even though I do the same thing sometimes but so easily don't notice it). I grumble that my friends have more money than me, that their house is nicer than mine. I grumble that my dog sheds too much and my bed creaks and my head is unorganized. I grumble at myself. I grumble about my family. I grumble about my friends. And sadly, I grumble about my God.
Like I said, I do a lot of grumbling.
Recently the Lord called me out on my grumbling when he showed me this:
"Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation." Philippians 2:14
(It goes on and has some really good stuff there. I would recommend you open that bible app and check it out).
Basically: stop grumbling. It messes you up. You're better than that because I'm better than that. I didn't grumble. I don't grumble. Your goal is to be more and more like me, so stop grumbling.
So that's where the first part of my command comes from: STOP grumbling.
The second part has to do with what I grumble so much about: not being able to work at home with my little.
I am a teacher. I love teaching. I is a job that suites me perfectly, or it did, until The Rose was born. I still love teaching and will for a long time, but my huge desire is to someday be able to be a stay-at-home Mama. And because I want to spare you the long back story, it's not as easy as just quitting my job. It's a lot more than that and could drastically affect our family way more than just quitting my job.
And so before we go to more drastic measures, Mr. Christopher have decided to embark on an Etsy business journey. Our hope is that it could allow for him to remain in the position he is in at our church, and it would allow for me to eventually be a stay-at-home Mama someday.
But in even beginning all of that, it takes time. It takes energy. It takes motivation. It takes money. It takes believing in myself that I can try something new in hopes that it will succeed. And it takes risk in knowing that it might not.
So that's where the second part of my command comes from: START doing.
Instead of believing all the lies, instead of thinking about all the hard parts that will come along with starting up an etsy shop of my own, instead of telling myself that "I suck" and "I will never be able to pull it off," I'm going to try. I'm going to start doing, because at least that is something.
And so there you have it folks: my instructions to myself for this 2015 year is
And so that's what I'm doing.
Mr. Christopher and I made a space for me to create.
My blog is back in action.
And I will be posting lawd-knows how many photos of all the little things I create. And if it succeeds, good. If it doesn't okay. I'll try something else.
This girl seems hopeful!
But what about you? Is there a word you want to cling to this 2015 year? Is there a kick-in-the-rear-end kind of command you want to give yourself? What are you hoping to do differently or grow in this year?
Please, please, please share because it is encouraging to my head! I'd love to hear!