Tonight I am grieving.
I think I have been for the last week. But it's not until tonight that I've wanted to put it to words.
When I think of my summer I want to cry. And really I want to cry because I feel so thankful, so blessed and so cared for by the Lord. I've always loved the Lord. Even as a little girl I was drawn to my Nana's Jesus and her prayer. I've always had a fondness for him.
But this summer was different. This summer God met me. He didn't ask much of me. He didn't require anything of me. He just asked me to meet Him. To be in His presence. To bask in His love and soak up Him. Just Him. That was all.
And without a job I did this very easily.
Most days I would wake up early to get quietness with Him. I would sit on my porch with coffee in hand and talk to him through the pages of my journals. I would go on drives in the early mornings and pray. Then I would sit on the side of a mountain, again with journal in hand, and write. Draw. Pray. Reflect. Ask Him for more. Pray to be filled more and more.
Sometimes I would hike alone to Morraine Park. I would sit on the rocky bank that became mine and wade through the cold waters. I would tell him about my fears, my anxieties, my excitements and the ones I cared for. I would ask him to speak to me and to meet me in all of these places.
But mostly, I was with Him. In constant relationship with Him. And there it was easy.
At home it is harder. The business of life so easily seeks out my joy, my peace and my trust in Him.
Yet, the reality is that home is where I am. Home is where he has called me for this season. Teaching is where he has continued to call me for this season. And I know it is good and healthy and necessary; yet, I am afraid of allowing anything to get in between my time with Him.
Time like this get me really excited about heaven. It's not often that I am excited about heaven (unfortunately) because I tend to like earth so much. But this summer gave me a glimpse of what eternity will be like. Eternity to sit, write, draw, pray reflect and be in His presence.
Won't that just be so good?