moving forward...

Being a college grad is hard. Life as I have always known it is radically different now. I have always been one to love learning, to love school, tests, and studying. After graduating from High School there was no question whether I would continue my education or not. I loved learning and desired to be challenged further. And.. for the most part of my college career I felt the same way about graduate school. I studied medicine/biological sciences in college with the plan of going on to more school.

It wasn't until the summer before my senior year when God awakened my heart to his plans. He challenged me to give up what I had in mind to do something different for him. All throughout my senior year I struggled with what this "something" was. Does he want me to pursue something else with science? Does he want me to pursue art, ministry, spanish or something else I enjoyed? Where did he want me to go next?

Then he gave me a lead: Honduras. He asked me to go and I signed up. Going to Honduras was one of the best experiences in my life. Yet, I hate to say that it was a "once-in-a-lifetime" experience because I know there is something similar planned in my future.

Yet, today I am grappling with today. What do I do now? I am a college grad with a degree in Biological Sciences- doesn't really make the icing on the cake. In Honduras, I believe God put a passion in me for teaching, yet because I do not have a degree for teaching I am unable to get a job for this. My heart is torn. I feel lazy, disappointed, and unsuccessful because I don't know where to go next. I love having a plan, or even feeling passion for something He has for me. Yet today, it is hard to feel much.

However, I do trust him. I know that He knows more than I do. His plans for me are greater than my own, and He will lead me where he wants me to go. I do feel a great sense of security in placing my life in his hands. Unfortunately, he may ask that I wait for a bit, stick around, and do something that I hadn't always dreamed of doing, something that isn't defined as "success"... like busy-work, like a couple part time jobs.

He has blessed me with a great opportunity so far job-wise. I will start this week working with a department at Mizzou that is researching Latinos in Missouri. Basically, I will do data entry, but it will be a good experience to better my spanish. I am also trying to get some substitute teaching jobs, but so far I have been unsuccessful. Please pray that God would provide jobs for me in which I can gain experience teaching... I really want to see if this is what He wants.

Oh, and I am not really a poem writer, but today I felt a bit inspired and wrote a poem about how I am feeling in this sticky place. Untitled... any ideas?

Empty, vacant, alone
This place is new for me
Trapped, the indecision
My heart desires to break free

Purpose, passion, life
These I have always known
Where, how do I find my passion
When nothing has been shown

Dreamer, awakened, alive
I've felt these in the past
discoveries, the beautiful adventures
you gave to me when only asked

Cold, here, now
My reality is a different place
Change, gaining my bearings
continually receiving your grace

Apathy, disappointment, fear
I desire not to possess
Yet, in all reality
these I feel I know best

Dreams, adventures, success
these I give to you
My Lord, my Love, my Creator
a sacrifice, only that is true

Trust, joy, patience
in my daily steps
following your growing lead
for you always have known best

Challenge, discoveries, ahead
my life is anew
ever-changing, ever-growing
I promise to trust you

Empty I will exchange for purpose,
for your plans are great for me
Apathy I will give for passion,
a heart that desires to always be
Indecision I will trade for trust,
you have control and have always been
Disappointment, I will accept grace,
as you freely give again.

1 comment:

FBC Honduras said...

Hi Aimee -

I found your blog while I was looking for an English translation of "Dame Tus Ojos." I heard the song in a Church service while on a mission trip this February in Honduras. The first year I went (this year was my 4th trip) I also came back with a desire to teach - but I had a job and two kids, so it definitely wasn't an option for me! So I started teaching Sunday School to high schoolers instead. The point of this random post is good luck, I hope you get to go back and see the beautiful people of Honduras, and continue to be open to His plan.

Dios Te Ama.

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