Theme 1: Fear

With all the busyness of the last couple weeks, teams coming from the states, uploading pictures to keep you all updated, and somehow finding some time for myself to meet with my King and hang my laundry on the line, I have neglected to write on my blog.

Feeling this need to write to keep you posted about how I am doing mentally, I was thinking about what God wanted me to share. There are so many things that have happened in these 2 months. I barely am able to keep Chris updated in what I get to do everyday and every week.

So I feel like God wants me to share with you the specific things He has been teaching me. In September, I started writing down the specific areas of my life he has been affecting/changing/challenging. Then I started calling them my "themes." So far I have five, each on their separate color-coated note card.

The first area God spoke to be about, and this began well before I even left, yet I was finally willing to hear it when I was on the plane to come here, is FEAR.

When I first got here to Honduras, it seemed as though all my fears were heightened. I would be fearful for Chris when he didn't asnwer the phone. I would be fearful for myself at night when I went to sleep behind my locked door, sleeping beside my can of mace. I became fearful in any situation and my anxiety was so great. All this worrying, fears, and anxiety allowed me to see how much these fears cause great pain to my Father in heaven. Worrying so heavily as I was and being so fearful in things that aren't even real came from a lack of trust in my King. If I really trusted Him with my life, I would have been more trusting and less fearful.

Since September, God has really given me peace in many of the situations. I still sleep with my door locked and my mace next to me, but I am not afraid anymore (Did you hear that? I'm not afraid anymore!- Home Alone insert for Mich). I trust God and I trust my life in His hands. I am thankful that He is the Lord over me and my life and also Chris and his life. It gives me more hope.

I don't think he is done with this theme in my life. I think it will continue to be a challenge, especially when Chris and I get married, have children, or get older. Yet, I am thankful that God used this time here to reveal this to me, and that He is now able to challenge me in this throughout my life.

One of the verses I cling to when I become fearful is this.

Matthew 10:28-31
"Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but not the soul. Rather, be afraid of the one who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of these will fall to the ground apart from your Father. And even the very hairs on your head are numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

This verse is very precious to me, because it reminds me to fear only the Lord. I do not want to give Satan any glory, and I don't want to live in fear of the things he could do. I will not fear man or those who cannot effect my relationship with my King. I want to live in solitary fear for my King and no one else. He is in control of my life, and He has great plans- whatever they become...

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