Ask of me dear Aimee

Support raising is hairy. It's a mess, but it works. (Maybe there is a better analogy, but this was the first that came to mind).

A friend recently described my life right now as a "incredibly frustrating/amazing/beautiful/terrible/stressful/encouraging/confusing time."
And it is. Always.

When I began support raising a few weeks ago and even before when I was preparing and planning for the "big challenge," I prayed and pleaded with God that He would let it go really fast- that I would raise the $8,000 super quick, no biggie, easy, fun, cool-right? Then I had the rest of the summer to-ahhh, breathe. I was secure. I was fastened. I was going and there were no worries. That was what I wanted (and I am not going to lie, my mind still thinks that would be pret-ty nice). But I am realizing more and more how wonderful the place that I am in really is.

Everyday I struggle with my insecurities, doubt, self control. I am afraid I will not raise the money. I am afraid I will not get to go. I am afraid of disappointing God, my friends, and my church. I try to control the situation. I wonder if there is anyway I can procure the extra money needed if I don't raise enough. I find ways to take this task on by myself and without him.

Then he pinches me.

He reminds me how much I need Him. Just a little pinch- not one that hurts super bad, but it is enough to frustrate you. That's Him. That's what He does to me daily. I love it, but I hate it. He loves it. I know. Oh, I know.

So I think-on an average of course- that I really do love the place I am at. It is hard. It asks me to run back to Him, cling to Him, find my answers in Him, and trust Him that He will provide for me.

Today I asked Him what to read in my Bible and I heard Psalms. So I turned to Psalms and all over the place there are people in there crying out for help, for refuge, for His provision, for Him to hear their prayers, and for their prayers to be answered. I think God wanted me to read Psalms because He wanted me to see that history is full of fearful humans that struggle with believing God will come through, me included, and that God is always capable of coming through.

Psalm 2:8 says "Ask of me, and I will make the nations your inheritance, the ends of the earth your possession." So I asked, and what heard in reply, a small whisper, gentle (gentle like a little pinch) was "It shall happen."

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