God save me from my planner

My official first day of support raising.

I woke this morning without a schedule or a list of places to be at a particular time. That will be a definite adjustment. So much of me is a structured learner, doer, organizer. It's hard to have a summer that is structured by myself (and of course those around me who are keeping me accountable to doing the work for support raising). It's still weird. I'm not sure if I have made the transition yet- from a full time college student to an employee for GCM, who is officially working through support raising and not working at one place all day. I'm not sure how I am dealing with all of this or how well I am taking it all in. How do I successfully make this transition? Am I dealing with the reality of change or just letting it pass by?

There are lots of things I am really excited about, like for instance my big challenge of the summer- trusting God. Until today all my support raising stuff has been "unofficial"- kind of like a little bonus I was doing to help myself out, give myself headway for later on. I didn't stop to think what it would be like when I was actually in the process of support raising. It almost seemed like one of those things that you think about what it would be like to be there, but you don't have to actually deal with the reality of it being there.

Well, today's the day. I'm due. And now I need to be faithful.
"To the faithful you show yourself faithful." This line has been going over and over in my head for years- something He put in my heart so long ago. To the faithful you show yourself faithful. God help me to remember this. But what is faithfulness for me this summer? How can I be sure I am being faithful without a blocked off scheduled day and a to-do list 15 boxes long, all desperately crying out to the pen in my hand "Check me! Come on, hurry! Get this done!"

Ah, no. I don't want to worship a to-do list or a heavily strategized blocked schedule of my days.

God I want to be faithful to you, but I also don't want a schedule and doing things to become the internship to Honduras. I am going to Honduras to serve in the homes, in the streets, and in the hearts of the poor and those infected with HIV/AIDS. Support raising is just part of the process.

God save me from my planner, my note pad, and my appointment list.

1 comment:

Chris Swift said...

just be like me for three months. that will help kill your to-do list.

juuust kidding. you're a better self-organizer than you think you are. you are just doing different things to be great at besides studying.

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